It is hard to be super concerned with myself right now. All of my prayers are for my family, not for me.
My cousin Bob is really sick. He cut his finger while sawing a tree branch and went in to get it checked out. Despite the antibiotics they gave him he got a blood infection and his potassium is really high. This put him into kidney failure and he is on the verge of heart failure as well. Thing are really not looking good.
Grandma D. was taken to the hospital last Thursday due to fluid retention from her ever persistent heart failure. The doctor said it was a miracle she was alive. Her heart failure is really getting bad and with the added stress of grandpa being gone and her Alzheimer's - things aren't good. I visited her on Thursday night along with a bunch of other family. She is like a broken record. She keeps forgetting where grandpa is and why he is gone. She doesn't understand how sick they both are.
Grandpa D. has been in the rehab facility for about a week now. I went to visit him yesterday before coming back to school. It was such a drastic change from last week when he was still in the hospital. He was sitting in his wheelchair in his room, with the CNA assigned to sit with him to make sure he doesn't fall. The minute he opened his mouth I started balling. He is so confused and gets really agitated. He whines and cries and makes no sense. He got really worked up and started crying "pussy cat, pussy cat". It reminded me of Julia when she throws tantrums, or a little child, or one of the rambling guys on the psych unit. Once we started asking him about working at Riverside he snapped back to himself and was talking normal. He couldn't tell stories but gave us a line or two. We took him for a walk down every hallway and in every common room. He couldn't converse with us at all. Occasionally he would get really worked up or confused. Sometimes he would fall asleep for 30 seconds. I cried the entire time I was there. Before we left I gave him a hug and told him "I love you." He didn't hear me and asked "What?". So I repeated "I love you." and he said "Thank you." :)
I hate seeing him suffer like this. I cried the entire ride back and for about an hour with Josh when I got home. Then we watched Criminal Minds for 9 hours straight. That was a good distraction and it was just nice to cuddle as a family with him and the puppies.
I always said that if something was going to happen to Grandpa that I would grab a judge and get married right in his room, just so he could be there. He has been the most important person to me for a long time. But I'm realizing that he and grandma probably won't be around for my wedding in 8 months. It would be better for everyone if they weren't. The way they are suffering is unbearable to witness. Sometimes life can be really cruel.
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