Is it July yet?!

As I sit here and type my left leg is tingling.... I'm trying to decide if it is another episode or a breakthrough thing. ...to be continued...

So today I started the list of everything I need to ask the neurosurgeon. My general topics are:
-diagnosis
-probable cause
-prognosis
-activity limits
-pregnancy/parenting
-follow-up
-treatment
-disability

We shall see what else I come up with in the next 42-ish days.

I'm trying to be realistic about this appointment, but it is so hard. I view him as my god, the Holy Grail, my savior, etc. etc. He is all-wise and all-knowing. He will be able to answer my deepest and darkest concerns. He will be kind and caring and encourage me about my future. I hope. I hope. I hope.

This week has been plagued by SM nightmares. Nightmares about lifting too much, or being severely disabled. How stupid. Really. I can't use my dreams to escape this reality.

Or try this reality: I need more packing tape. So I went to the store to get tape, trash bags and some snacks for the week. I was good and got fruit, but then I was bad and got soda. I knew what I bought weighed too much. I could just tell. SO I weighed it when I got home. DID YOU KNOW.... a 12-pack of soda weighs 10lbs?! Then pile on the other items and I was over. I don't like this one bit.... it was a 12-pack and one plastic bag. And just seeing other parents in the store with their kids made me realize that I will never be able to grocery shop or run errands without a helper. This sucks. What is my life becoming? I just want to be happy.

ps- It is an episode. It spread to my left arm while typing all of this. Start the stopwatch.