Nowhere else to run

I have no more hiding places. Last night I had a nightmare that caused me to wake up in a panicked sweat. I woke up because..... I was carrying too much. I had two dogs I was carrying and my mom told me that they were too heavy. I panicked, and woke up. I'd like to find one other person in this world who has nightmares about lifting. Seriously.

I got to talk to my friend Josh P. in class today, he wanted to hear all about the duplex, etc. His wife just had a baby on May 1st. He is a huge fan of being in love and having babies. One of the first things he said to me was "Go get pregnant." .... bad timing. Which led to the whole conversation about syringomyelia, and Josh making me cry. He's seen me cry a few times. He is such a good friend and a good person.

In class we also had exercises to explore changing health behaviors. We were talking about me and about how SM is affecting my relationship and life overall. Then Liz started tearing up. :( I guess I'm not the only one who has been knocked off guard by this stupid crap. I'm such a good faker. One student, Kelly, was there when I was talking to Josh. She asked how I was so calm about everything. I told them it was all fake. I'm a real good faker. I'll cry if someone else does first, or if they hit the right spot, but otherwise I cry by myself. In the shower, in the car, or when I'm home alone.

Sometimes I want to think this:

"Shared joy is a double joy; shared sorrow is half a sorrow." -Swedish Proverb

But mostly I think this:

"You must understand, the Ring is my burden. It will destroy you." -Lord of the Rings

LotR Wisdom:

Frodo: "I wish the ring never came to me."

Gandalf: "So do all who have carried its burden, but that is not for us to decide. All there is to decide is what to do with the time that is given to you."

Wow. I'm a nerd. :)