Some SM chicks have epidurals if their syrinxes are high....mine is a big one high and then through out the rest of my spine. Someone told a story of a person who decided to try a vaginal birth anyway, and then months after delivering was hunched over crippled, and couldnt use her arms and couldn't even carry her baby.
So general anesthesia section it would be. Meaning I wouldn't even be able to be awake for the most important day of my life.
Then I read advice to mothers. They talk about how their children cry and cling to their legs and look up with big eyes and crocodile tears, just wanting to be picked up and rocked and held... but they can't. They can't carry their kids anywhere. How fucking horrible. I could carry my kid until they are maybe 4-6 months old... even before that I wouldn't be able to carry them in their car seat.
I feel very robbed.
I feel bad for Josh too. He is going to have to pick up so much slack. Like doing all of the yard work and snow shoveling. He asked if I would be willing to switch dishes for laundry duty again, but at our new place the laundry is downstairs. I couldn't carry heavy loads, and even then I wouldn't want to have my hands full and trip on the steps. He is so understanding and more than willing to help in every aspect. I just know it will be very wearing on him over time.
I just want all of this to be gone.
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