I got a neurodude!

Here is another painting of mine... I'm super happy with it. I had been thinking about it for a while and managed to scrape up what little paint I had left to complete it. Again, painted on a random piece of cardboard.

Also, BIG NEWS in SM world! I have an appointment with a neurosurgeon! Not just any neurosurgeon, but THE neurosurgeon who hosted the ASAP conference last year! I can not wait to meet him. Just a little over a month to go!

On the down side, both of my legs were numb yesterday for roughly 2 hours. I was doing so good too. I'm just worried that this is the start of another every other day spree again.

So I go to go home this weekend. I got to meet Baby Cameron and Baby Alex for the first time. They are both about 7lbs (good holding weight!). I also got to see so many of my little cousins and my niece. I was really hoping that being submersed in babies and kids would re-light that spark in me. The spark of "I can't wait to have my own babies and live happily ever after!". Usually being around kids a lot does the trick. I even had someone come up to me while I was holding Alex and say "You look very comfortable there. Soon enough!" But no, nothing. If anything it makes me want kids less. At the wedding I saw parents holding their child and slow dancing. Later I saw kids being picked up and put in swings, or being held while crossing monkey bars. Or the kid who crashes and falls and cries, and then mom swoops in and picks them up to kiss away the tears. All of this normal stuff I won't get to do. Sure I can do all the stuff with the little 7lb babies, but they don't stay that small forever. I can't believe how I could go from wanting 5 kids as soon as possible to having absolutely no desire or inkling to raise kids of my own. It's really depressing. I hope after meeting with the NS he will renew my hope in my future and bring back the old me. I hate new me.

Summer turned to winter
And the snow it turned to rain
And the rain turned into tears upon your face
I hardly recognize the girl you are today
And God I hope it's not too late
-MB