I hardly slept last night. I realized I went to the dark place. It's where I don't feel worthy of anyone's affection or love, because I don't love myself. How or what could anyone love if I don't love myself. It's why I push people away who love me. It's why we disagree and fight. It is why I put up walls and don't let people in. It's why I'm unhappy. I have no self-esteem. I lack trust in loving relationships, even when there is no reason to.

I was reminded today: relationship with God --> self-esteem --> trust --> love

I need to work on that. I will work on that. It's going to take time, but I believe it can/needs to be done.