Uncle got results bad today... cancer spread as we assumed. It started with a frequent cough, which led to the discovery of stomach/esophagus cancer that was super big. Which led to investigation of lymph nodes and other organs near by. Which led to cancer in lymph nodes and the liver. Stomach/esophagus is impossible enough to recover from... now throw in the liver. His wife died from liver cancer. That was 9 years ago. He knows what to expect. He has seen it all before. We all have.
I also didn't realize until last night that my dad still isn't doing well still. I thought his medications had things under control. My mom was saying they aren't able to wean his meds without symptoms coming back. Also, she noticed that he has trouble walking, where he almost trips. And his vision is jumping all over the board. Today he got in a biking accident. He needs to have surgery. Seriously. Fuck this.
How do I study? How do I sit still enough to apply for jobs? The only time I am still is when I sleep half the day away to avoid being awake. And when I'm awake I'm usually comforting my dying grandmother. Or visiting my sick and depressed grandpa. Or researching my own incurable disease. I could just scream.
I find solace in my dogs because they never ask questions, never judge. Plus they are all I have to get me through the day...
It is my experience that bad things often come all at once, but the strength in you to keep going - the drive you have - that's what you'll need. Hang in there.
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